Re: Sinking

Ok, maybe inserting a video in place of what my weekend's been like is a cop-out, but this made me laugh at 12:24 am Sunday morning, and what's better than laughter?

Blowing a Fuse

Not me
(I do that less now I am older, not to say I don't still internalize it, though).

It's the continuing saga of the HVAC system here at home. After spending $7700 on a new heat pump etc and continuing to blow fuses and finding out I might have to have some rewiring done (think, more drywall holes and more repairs...), I went onto Angies List, picked a well-thought-of company and had them come out today, and sigh of relief, it was a minor repair of less than $250 and no holes!

Of course, now I wonder if I could have saved $7450, but it's water under the bridge now, spilt milk the cats will lap up. So, I think I will treat myself to a bottle of my favorite celebration beverage, Lindemans Peche Lambic Belgian Beer (it's like champagne but better!), BBQ a hanger steak, Bernaise sauce, a baked potato with all the sour cream, butter and chives on it that I want--lots! And rent a movie I've been wanting to see, The Visitor.

Cool Cats for Obama

Inauguration Ball...

As January 20th nears, I have been thinking how when Mike and I moved here, he said he wanted to go to an inaugural ball when the next Democratic president came into office.

How special that experience would have been.

How poignant we won't be able to share that together, celebrating the hope of the future, ours and the USA's together.

This photo is Mike and I at the awards ceremony when Furrydance TexMexRex aka Nacho, won the title of 22nd Best Çat in Premiership in The Cat Fanciers Association. The dress I'm wearing was my mothers. I remember her wearing it back in the late 60's, that I used to help her put on her makeup when she and my dad went out to cocktail parties and balls. Being able to wear that dress made the celebration even more special.


I am so thankful that Mike and I got to share that moment together, because it was once in a lifetime for me and I couldn't have done it without his love and support and financial backing, too.

For the longest time, he wanted me to add him to the Cattery name, and I finally did, so when they announced Nacho's win, the award would go to both of us.
I regret how reluctant I was to do that and knowing much it meant to him and that in my way, doing that let him know he was the most important person in my life.



I can watch the inauguration ceremonies, not so much with sadness, but with a wistfulness that I would have never thought...before meeting Mike.

I will toast him with some champagne that night, I already have the bottle chilling.

Sunday and Green Tea

Wish it was 4 pm so I could take a lie down and still wake up in time to shake off my grogginess, and attend to a few things before bedtime again. Maybe I can try and retire to bed early tonight.

My weekend company has gone, taking with them sweet Billy Idol, my Sphynx I have parted with, only because he will be with friends and a young Burmese cat named Marilyn, and he will give all three of them as much love and affection as he has given me these past two years.

So tea in my favorite cup and catching up with my favorite blogs is a nice, relaxing way to let the evening settle in. And Suki was asking where my mug was...so I got my camera and set the mug on my lovely dining room table of slate and wood and snapped a photo. Well, not too artistic and rather boring, so I added a pretty creamer (with a cat for a handle...it's Czech, can't remember where I got it) and my current tea for my karma and a pot of African Violets (no, I can't make many plants thrive for long, so they are plastic). That made my favorite mug look even prettier. It is Denby pottery from England (one of my cats was named Denby, too)

The friends Billy will begin his new life with, although we have only met maybe twice in 12 years, met me by way of the cats, when they were seeking to adopt a Cornish Rex. I did not have any kittens at the time, and they bought a kitten from another breeder, but we stayed in touch and remained friends long distance, over the years. Tracy lost her Cornish Rex, and also a Burmese she had adopted, to the heart disease HCM. Devastated by losing them so close together, she went through a rough time with depression and anger. But she met someone that brought out the best in her, they married and together adopted another Burmese, Marilyn.

Through me, Tracy's sister adopted a Cornish Rex from me and we got back in touch regularly again and when I mentioned I may seek a home for Billy, they said they had been thinking of getting another Cornish Rex and had a friend with a Sphynx they were very fond of, too. Brother-in-law donated some of his frequent flyer miles and out Tracy came from California to get Billy.

We had a very relaxing, cat-snuggling weekend, eating at two of my favorite restaurants and driving around Washington DC sightseeing (with Billy along, so she got every moment she could with him to bond...) and it just felt so good to be with a friend to talk and share and grow to know more about each other, too. I hope that she and Tracy will return soon for another mini vacation, she promised they would, and I look forward to hearing all about Billy, Marilyn and the two Tracys life in CA now that we have even more in common.

In the next three weeks, the four Furrydance kittens will start heading off to their new lives, too and the past 4 months of anticipation for everyone will be fulfilled. I pick homes for my kittens and cats very carefully, with a 4 page Adoption Application and many, many emails and telephone chats before I decide and with that, also gain new friends, as my long time friendship with Tracy attests to.

With some time to think about what the next year will bring, I am hopeful that I will feel able to continue breeding if it makes me happiest, or be happy with having found homes for the kitties I neuter and spay, and have just 3 or 4 cats to keep me company and lose the stresses involved with keeping multiple cats happy and healthy. But this evening I feel contented, and that is a nice way to start the week...

Five things I do daily to bring joy into my life

In spite of my previous post, my life is not joyless. So in keeping with the Tag via Sukipoet, OWL, Studiololo and Blue Sky Dreaming...here's my fiver of things I do to keep my spirit healthy and happy: 1. Nuzzle and sniff the cats...they smell safe and warm to me and we both get something from it 2. Remember to take my vitamins 3. Notice the little things (frost on the windshield looks like glitter; leaves curled up next to my front door; pats to face by kitties) 4. Blogging (it connects me, and I get to live vicariously like an artist through you) 5. Talk on the phone with at least one friend a day

New Years Eve, not too auspicious

Didn't want to be by myself this New Year's Eve, wanted to go out dancing, have a good meal. Decided to go out with an acquaintance I know from cat showing, thought at least we'd have the cats to talk about. On a scale of 1 to 10, the evening was about a 2.3 (my perspective, of course). In veterinary medicine, there's what's called a Body Condition Score, from 1 to 9, 1 being emaciated and 9 being grossly obese. So, you get the picture of 2.3, okay.

First off, my date showed up 90 minutes early, I was still in my work clothes and had 30 minutes of chores to do before I could even jump in the shower. Then he was dressed quite casual, sort of what I see him in at cat shows and I was sure I was going to be overdressed, but what the hell. I decided to ask him if what I was wearing when I finally was ready to leave the house (at 6pm) was too fancy, and he said he was going to change into his dressy clothes at the hotel. Good enough.

Then the hotel, which used to be a Holiday Inn but in the past couple of years renovated (assume upgrade) to a Hospitality House & Conference Center. Umm, not so much an upgrade as a name change, me thinks. Mike and I used to go down to Fredericksburg to have dinner (at Bonefish Grill usually) and dance in the lounge at this hotel, so I had no clue what the rooms or food was like, but figured they would have the "Gala" in a "ballroom". Make that a conference room, with a few tinselled decorations placed on the wall, numbered tables where you didn't get to choose who you sat with (I know, mingle) and scant choice of party favors and you have it. It was more like a boring work seminar environment.

When we looked at the buffet, we decided we were glad we ate elsewhere (even though it wasn't at Bonefish but The Crab Shack...I wasn't pushy enough with my answer to "Where do you want to eat") but we held out hope for the band. Most of the time, bands that hotels hire are varying qualities of cover bands and we were hoping for their New Years Eve Gala that they might have splurged...not so much. This band was much more impressed with themselves than what the crowd wanted (demonstrated by lack of dancing until about midnight) and while I like Van Morrison and New Orleans funk, nothing they played was danceable, but more like what you'd want to listen to while eating.

Hmmm, and once back in the hotel room...well, suffice it to say that my rating for the evening was based on that also. In all fairness, I think if we were both questioned separately, that we probably would have the same opinion of the Eve of Destruction...better than a sharp stick in the eye, as my dad would have said.

And so here we are in 2009 now, and I have been feeling a distinct lack of motivation to try and map out the next year for myself. Most of it has to do with with some bad news I received this week with regards to Furrydance Cattery and my ability to continue breeding and showing these Cornish Rex cats that I love.

I got my first Cornish Rex in 1988 and have been deeply committed to being the best breeder I can be. Being in the veterinary field and knowing more about animal health care than many and having access to the best veterinary care (even if it means driving 5 hours to see a cardiologist as I did when I lived in Oregon and took my cats there for yearly heart screenings). I do a lot for my cats in terms of veterinary care and tests, but it seems like each time I bring a new cat into the house, it brings with it some health issue and so I go through an isolation and testing period and have been able to get them healthy. Some of those issues are just to be expected in some cattery environments without stringent, knowledgeable husbandry.

But in the past year, as it is time to retire my 6 year old stud cat, I purchased a new male in the spring to carry on his duties, and when I took him for his pre-breeding heart exam, he had some defects that could be passed on to his offspring, so I made the decision to return him to his breeder and she did the ethical thing and neutered him and his littermate sister. I then began to look for a new male and this time choose one that was older and had no audible evidence of heart problems, but when I took him for his heart exam, they found issues with him, too.

I know that neither of these males were screened before I purchased them, and have no written reports that their parents were either, so it has been put on my plate to do the testing myself, at my expense, to try have the best odds of having defect free cats. But having this happen twice in one year is very devastating emotionally to me. When I lived in Oregon (before meeting and marrying Mike) I had 5 cats and lived in an 850 sq ft bungalow and was able to clean and maintain the house as well as the cats and have quite a bit of free time left over. Marrying Mike, and moving to Virginia into this nice, large house was great as a couple, but for me I find I am having a difficult time keeping up with the house and the cats too and that doesn't even count the financial part of it.

Having kept track of what I spent and brought in and adding it up this week is quite sobering and it is giving me cause to think that doing this is not meant for me at this point in my life. I spent $15000 on the cats care, food, and cat shows and brought in $5000. That just seems like an extravagance that I just can't afford and while giving it up would mean giving up something I enjoy and get great satisfaction from, I will have to say that this past year, keeping the cattery going has felt a lot more like work and a lot less like pleasure.

I told myself when Mike passed away, that I wanted to get back to having less cats and doing this more on the level I did in Oregon, where I was single and on a tight budget. I have made some headway in that direction, but this last year I took back 3 cats due to behavior issues, so the headway I made got negated by that. But, I couldn't refuse taking them back, they are my responsibility and the two times I have not been able to take a kitty back right away, I have lost track of those two cats and that saddens me deeply. I was able to successfully get two of them over their behavior issues (inappropriate urination) and find new homes for them together and I am working on #3. I have found a home for one of my two Sphynx cats, as much as doing that is sad, he is going to a friend who I have known, because of the cats, for 15 years and will be loved to bits and even have a sweet girl cat to befriend, too.

I have weathered some big issues here this past year, but was truly looking forward to making and meeting some goals in 2009 and these recent revelations have just got me floundering. I think I know what I need to do, I am just having difficulty with the decision. I sometimes envy my friends that have just a couple of pet cats, and lots of time to do fun social things. I think about having to place cats I have grown so fond of, and though I know from my experience in the veterinary field that I am not the only good pet owner out there, I am still very conscientious about where my cats and kittens go and am proud to say that I have only lost track of two in 20 years of breeding and not many breeders can say that. I am also good friends with many families who have cats from me, and one joy is that I will not lose their friendship, even if I stop breeding.

One day I want to stop, the next day I want to give myself another year. Right now, in typing this...I want to just be done with the stress of it all, knowing that another year of commitment to this may not be the best thing for me emotionally or financially. So, I guess I am writing this post to see what response I get from people who only know me through blogging. If you visit my cattery website, you can learn what kind of person and breeder I am and be able to offer my your perspective on this, having that information, http://furrydancecattery.blogspot.com

Maybe just putting my thoughts into words and being to read over those words will be more like a journal for me and help me see the big picture and the future better, too. I know my plans for the future changed alot with Mike's passing and I am not totally okay with that, either. I saw myself in our retirement doing more volunteer work with regards to cats such as with Best Friends Sanctuary in Kanab, Utah and getting more involved with animal health care with related Blogs, and still having 2 or 3 Cornish Rex racing around the house. While I can't retire yet, I can make choices that will lead me in that direction.