Sunday, April 5, 2009
Kate, over at Blogging is my Only Vice had two posts on her blog today that got me thinking and then writing. The first one was an old journal post from 2002, shortly after her husband died. Their life together was rough, but not without it's good times. I can tell from her words, that we all must go through that period after losing someone.
We gather, change, hope and as I often say, slog on. I was very touched by her final words "I like to post these old thoughts for those that might be lacking in hope".
I guess I have thought I was doing ok, because I didn't feel hopelessness...but I will have to say, I am lacking in hope...That being said, today I did make some headway in digging into the disarray in the basement, but only because I was forced to. I had some painting going on upstairs and was more or less prisoner in the basement...so i sort of got my ass kicked into doing something (and I'm happy to say, it wasn't just sitting in front of the computer this time). Then I bbq'd a steak, had all the sour cream and bearnaise sauce I wanted, along with a nice Portuguese Red wine (my folks lived in Portugal for many years, so Portuguese wines are very sentimental to me somehow).
I sat out on my deck (nice, as it's before the skeeters come out in droves), at my new little tiled cafe table I found on sale a few weeks ago (and the guy at the register said "Oh, I wanted to get that...it so said "Summer!"...that's what I thought.
Those moments are bittersweet for me...I thought of the conversation Mike and I might be having. And I thought of a conversation me and some dreamed of new love in my life might have sometime in the future. But I did sigh a lot and just decided to enjoy the food and the wine and the view and leave it at that.
The other post on Kate's blog made me smile. That was a "lively' video performed by Christopher Walken! I just had to laugh, because, for one thing...he sort of reminds me of Mike. To which Mike always used to reply "I hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the ass one day!" That was me, saying "I'm not really attracted to you" when we first started dating.
Christopher Walken is like that to me, sort of too craggy, a little intimidating, not soft like I used to like my men. And when I saw him dancing...I just had to grin, as he has some of the same moves as M did...all the while me saying "Why can't you Cha Cha" instead of taking up the whole dance floor...
So, with Spring here, my motivation having kicked in.. I recently read on someones blog, how clutter really affects us emotionally and I have finally had enough of feeling that way! I hope to make April a good, full, fruitful month...that's how I feel this Sunday anyway.
Ps: We have babies (kittens) due on April 15th...new life and love will abound!